I don't understand why I continue to have feelings for you even after what you did. You'd think I wouldn't like you anymore. You'd think I'd find you worthless. Sadly, I don't. I think it's worse than before I told you. Hard to believe it, but I still want you.

You've been in my dreams a few times. You're always smiling at me and me smiling back. Sometimes we're lying next to each other. Other times we're just standing there together, not really doing anything. The only dream that has really portrayed what went on between us was one of the first ones where I was in the gym of CP and you were there. I made eye contact with you and started crying. I'm not sure how you ended up next to me, but there you were. Nothing really happened. Can't say I was expecting anything.

If you thought I had people telling me what you talked about in your class, you were right. My friends told me that you talked about love. You also talked about how you should get over someone if they don't love you back. Well, obviously you've never had to experience it, or else you would know how fucking hard it is to do that. I've tried to convince myself that you're a bitch who doesn't deserve my affection, but I can't change my heart. Yes, whenever I'm with another girl I like, I think about her, but when there's no girl to think about, it's you who I think of. And it fucking sucks.

I'm not saying I'm going to be like that one guy who broke into your apartment and stalked you and shit, because that's just wrong on so many levels. What I am saying is that I still like you a lot. I know if I told this to you in person, you'd freak out like you did last time. And this time, you probably wouldn't lie.

"I was worried about you." Ha. Don't make me laugh. Like hell you were worried about me. You were worried about yourself. I tried to believe that lie, but my mind already knew it wasn't true. Why the hell would you be worried about me? You just didn't want to deal with me. You're a fucking coward.

I still can't believe that you didn't tell my teacher about went on between us. Since you basically told everyone else, I would think you'd tell your best friend. He seemed so oblivious. He told me that you were still going to be hanging around in the room and in the hall, though you were going to be more in another one. Thankfully he told me that, so now i can avoid that hall while doing recycling. Honestly, I really do want to see you, but at the same time I don't because I'm terrified at what I might do. I have so much pent up anger and i have a lot I want to say to you, but I can't. I just hope I don't see you at all.

I miss you. A lot. Contradicting, but it's true. I really do miss you. I hope you're doing alright. Can't really say I am all the time, you know? I want to know if you think about me sometimes. Or if I'm just a memory.